My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
