She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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