I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
