I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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