Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
