Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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