I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Pants 0. Shit 1.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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