Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
