remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
