I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
