the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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