My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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