we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
