i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
