we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
