dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
