he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
