R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
