someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You took a bar mat shot.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
