No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
