Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
