You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
