Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
