He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
