i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
