the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
