my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this just has baby written all over it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
