So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Of course I have a pirate flag
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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