im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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