I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
