Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
