just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
