Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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