i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
