I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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