Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
