Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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