Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
