Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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