You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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