If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize