So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
