I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
