Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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