yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize