It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
