And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
