Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
