but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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