it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The power of my boobs compel you
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
