After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
