The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
