in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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