So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
