i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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