Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
