she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
